Matt. 17:20 "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I think - no I believe - there is a purpose, and a season for everything we go through in our lives. This has been especially true for my family lately! You see, it has been a very bleak summer, with things in our lives only getting worse, instead of better. It's been very rough as of late, the true meaning of the words "testing ground".
This has absolutely nothing to do with marriage or children, it's strictly money - the root of all evil, and the very thing that we require to get along in life. To some degree, money is our life-line - it buys food, clothing & shelter. It is the reason so many of us get up in the morning (to go to work) and reason we are able to function on a day to day basis (because of the utilities that the money pays for). It's a requirement to get along in life, yet lately it's been very scarce around here!
And I believe that this has been a time in our lives - my life, really - that God has chosen to see where we (I) stand. What is it that we (I) believe? Why do we (I) believe it? Is it because we've (I've) been taught it all our (my) life, and therefore it is just part of who we are (I am)? Do we (I) really believe it? Do we (I) really, really believe it? How much faith do we (I) have in what we (I) have chosen to believe? I'm sad to say that many times I've gone back & forth about what I truly believe to be real; what I truly believe at all! I think that much of my summer I've been in school to learn or re-learn what I should already know. The fact that God is God, no matter what I think, say or do. That God will be God long after I'm gone, long after my children are gone. Long after this blog has been deleted and wiped off the face of the earth.
And so, it is at this moment when I find myself in a heap on the floor of the office, crying because I have finally realized that God truly is God. That it's not my comfort that He is interested in. That it's not my agenda that he cares much about. That His agenda is the only one that matters and that no matter what I say or do, He will prove Himself to me, and that He really does know best! He has brought me to the absolute bitter end of myself just to prove that He will take care of a very desperate need in the life of my family through someone that is so dear & precious, words can't begin to express the gratitude that I have overflowing through my tears. It is at this exact moment that I have decided that I will give my full heart, trust, and, yes, my agenda to Him and allow Him to do whatever He wants to. It is at this moment that the mustard seed I planted at the beginning of the summer finally has it's first bloom!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
A Mustard Seed's Story
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4 comments:
He is so good!
I find that it is when I have almost completely given up that God comes in, blowing the doors wide open, and let's me see with clarity for a moment, that I am his to do with as he will. We are all God's instruments, working to create the most grand symphony ever devised. No matter how hard things get, he is always there and he is always listening.
I will keep you in my prayers sweety. :)
A little technicality here, girl - it is the LOVE of money that is the root of all evil, not money itself :). I loved this post. God often uses money to test our faithfulness, too. It's encouraging to know we're not alone. You wrote it so very eloquently, though. Mine always sound like sarcastic complaints.
I've been so stressed and tired lately. I look at our bank account and worry. There's money going out but none coming in. Soon, there won't even be any going out. It's scary. And then I remember that God is with me in the tough times as much as in the good times. I try to be obedient regardless of my happiness or lack of it.
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