It Hurts to be Humble

A few weeks ago, Michael & I decided to make a quick trip to the mall. He had set-up an interview for the next day and since his only pair of dress pants had been wadded up on my closet floor awaiting a trip to the cleaners, I thought our best course of action would be to purchase him a 2nd pair. He really only needs dress clothes for weddings, funerals and interviews, but having 2 pair would only make my job of clothing him that much easier, right? Of course, I also had ulterior motives for treking to the mall that evening. Doing so would get me out of cooking dinner for the night. After all, with a plethera of fast food restaurants at our disposal in the food court, I was assured to find something to please each of my crew.

When we arrived, we were immediately informed by Alex that he wanted a Wendy's cheeseburger meal. Morgann & Ian informed us that they would be very happy with cheese pizza. So, like the good parents we try to be, we decided to get the kiddos' food first. After completing our purchases, we settled them in at a table in the center to let them dig-in. Michael then told me to go get my food, so off I marched to my favorite soup/sandwich/salad spot while he sat with the kiddos.

I arrived at the counter and ordered my favorite 3 salad sampler and a large iced tea. While waiting for my order, I turned around to check on the table I had just left. Michael was deep in conversation with Morgann & Ian while Alex was busily chowing down on his burger & fries. When I returned my attention to the restaurant staff, my order was handed to me with great care. The full-to-overflowing plate of salad had a plastic cover on it, as did my large iced tea. I quickly grabbed a few napkins and a straw, then headed back to the table.

As I approached the table, I noticed that Michael was still conversing with Morgann & Ian, but what originally appeared to just be a chat turned out to be sheer scolding. This has become fairly common-place when out in public, so I gave little-to-no thought to it. About the time I actually reached the table, I began to skate - literally. My feet underneath me were shifting back & forth, very quickly, exactly like you'd see in a cartoon! Holding my large iced tea in one hand, my full-to-overflowing salad plate in the other, I did my best to regain my footing, but to no avail. Right about the time Michael turned his attention to me, it happened...I started to go down.

As if in slow motion, my drink went one direction - straight up into the air - my salad went another - amazingly enough, landing on the table - while my body went a third direction - straight down toward the floor. I think Michael may have managed to grab my arm as this all transpired, but I'm not exactly sure! Landing flat on my bottom on the floor, I looked up to see about 20 people all around me - laughing! That's right, not one bit of concern for my well-being - just all-out laughing and hysterics at my expense. Michael too did his darndest to stifle his giggles, and I must say he did a lousy job of it! At this point, I glanced over my other shoulder to see one of the janitorial staff make a mad dash in the other direction.

Stunned, I sat there for a second trying to figure out exactly why this had to happen to me (again), and wondering where the heck the cleaning lady went? Mustering everything within me, I stood up, wrang (wrung?) out my left leg (a totally pointless action on my part since my entire lower-extremities were soaked with the large iced tea that had come crashing down on me), removed my very wet & slippery flip-flops (in hopes that maybe I could stay on my feet and not fall again) and looked at Michael. With the smirk still plastered across his face, he simply shrugged and pointed to Alex, "It was his fault!"

Um, yeah, that's not exactly what I expected him to say either!

I just stood there silently, still looking at my dear, sweet hubby, and started to laugh. I had nothing else to do - it was either laugh or cry and I couldn't start crying in the middle of the food-court! After all, I'd already made a huge scene so there was no need to make it worse - I had all of the attention I could possibly want at that very moment. About that time, the cleaning lady returned with a roll of paper towels in hand, and another cleaning person with a bucket & mop. While they worked to clean up the mess I'd just created, I stood there pointlessly attempting to dry myself off with the paper towels, all while directing passers-by to go another direction lest they meet the same fate I did!

Eventually the floor was mopped almost dry, and I was safely seated in my chair. Michael scurried off to retrieve a 2nd large iced tea for me, then off in another direction to order his meal. When we were finally all seated and eating our food (should I add silently?), I couldn't help but burst into laughter again. When I asked Michael how exactly this was Alex's fault, Michael informed me that Alex had dumped his cup of water onto the floor near my chair just seconds before my accident. He had intended to tell me to be careful of the spill when at that same moment Ian & Morgann started fussing with each other about something. While his attention was diverted to settling the dispute between the 2 younger kiddos, I returned, slipped in the water that Alex had just spilled and...well, the rest was history. He claims that he tried to grab me, which might would explain the huge scrape and welt on my arm, but I think I hit it on the chair as I went down.

At any rate, I can sadly admit that this is not the first, and I'm sure it won't be my last time, to fall in a very public place. I make a habit of landing on my derrier in public places on at least an annual basis! One would think that I'd be used to it by now and that I might be a bit more careful; and I am for weeks & months on-end after such an incident! But, eventually, about the time I let my guard down and feel secure on my feet, something inevitably happens to remind me that I am indeed not as graceful as one might assume a former ballerina might be!!!